Questions & Answers

Ever since I was a teenager (or maybe even younger), I dreamed of being a wife and mother. I day-dreamed about what my husband would look like, how we would meet, and what his voice would sound like. I dreamt of being pregnant and feeling my very own child move for the first time. I pictured what it would be like to bring life into this world, and to hold my very own children for the first time. What would I name my babies? I was a girl who constantly ran names through my head, matching first and middle names together (this is probably why I already have my second, and possibly third, girl's name picked out, that is, if we have more).

As the years have gone by, that list has changed. Some names have been removed, and others added. Mostly due to my husband, and the new last name I can now add into the mix. I also wondered how many children I would be the mother of. Would I have a boy or a girl first? What days of the year will be my childrens' birthdays?

Many of these questions have been answered. Yet, I still find myself wondering. Those answers have unlocked new dreams, and therefore new questions. What sports, activities or hobbies will Ava develop and/or be passionate about? What will her laugh sound like? Her favorite color, food, movie...? There are so many unanswered questions that I can't wait to find the answers to.

My life over the past two and a half years has changed from "me, me, me" to "her, him, us" Life is no longer centered around myself anymore. I lost sleep to feed and rock her in the middle of the night. When she is crying, I am the one who cuddles and soothes her. I can no longer go to the store at my leisure, because I need to make sure she takes that much needed nap in half an hour.

I wouldn't trade it for a thing. Like I said, I have been waiting for this time in my life for so long. Motherhood brings me so much happiness I could burst.

Life is so, so good right now.

I remember sitting on our couch, holding my new baby and knowing how blessed I was to be holding such a perfect little bundle in my arms. She was mine forever. As tears were starting to form, I glanced up at a picture we had hanging on our wall. It was one of Brian and I's engagement pictures. I remember feeling so grateful that I was no longer that girl in the picture.

I have grown so much since that day. There were so many different routes my life could have taken, even then. Most importantly, I was so glad I was the mother to this little spirit. That she was here when she was, and that she looked as beautiful as she did. Now, I am grateful that that little baby developed the personality that she did. She fits so well into our family, and has given it a dimension that no other person could have.

My point is, I've come to realize how grateful I am for my past, for the decisions I've made. As a new high school graduate, the billions of choices I faced appeared so daunting. There are some regrets, obviously, with a few of my decisions here or there, but overall I am so grateful for how things turned out. If it wasn't for this choice or that event, my life probably would have been completely different.

I will probably never stop wondering what my life will hold in the next five, ten or even fifteen years. It is something I do quite regularly, to be honest. But I now have a much clearer perspective on life and a gratitude for experiences. I think motherhood is what it took for me to really relish in the day to day, and love it entirely.